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The Truth About Magnus: MC2460!

Though nothing disappoints me more than to reveal the devastating, and perhaps career threatening, secrets of my fellow countryman Magnus Carlsen, the time has come to clean out my closets.

When Magnus Carlsen told me last week that he plans to quit chess to pursue a career of modeling and acting, I just couldn't keep his secret any longer: Grandmaster Magnus Carlsen is actually a robot in disguise. Not just any robot, Magnus - or originally MC2460 Artificial Intelligence Project Version #4 - was originally built by my parents to provide companionship for me and my teddy bear over 15 years ago.

ORIGINAL MODEL of the MC2460:

When my parents could no longer leave their careers as top-secret government scientists for the Norwegian Army behind, they had the idea of putting their vastly superior knowledge of technology to use for me, in order to provide a chaperone for me as I traveled the world playing chess. They knew that having me accompanied by an actual robot would make for a very frightened chess community. So they set out to make MC2460 look as human as possible:

MODEL OF MC2460's FACE:

They succedded, well at least to a certain degree, to make Magnus (as we started calling him) look human... As Magnus and I traveled the world however, he began passing his time waiting to take me to McDonald's for my Happy Meals and other fun places like Chukie Cheeses', by playing in the chess tournaments. Obviously having a similar processing core to that of Deep Blue - Magnus possesed brilliant, "in-human", chess skills. He quickly passed me in the rankings. Before I knew it, my whole entire life had been turned upside down.

ONLY MY TEDDY TO COMFORT ME:

My parents saw this as an opportunity to capitalize and gain wealth from Magnus's success. I was now being asked to follow him everywhere! Oh the shame Cry!!! And the burden of carrying this secret Yell!!! I believe I had finally settled into my supporting role, but then Magnus decided to take his fame "off the board" and transcend the sport of chess. He launched his modeling career, leaving me behind with no one but Peter Heine Nielsen to comfort me at tournaments (and Pete snores in his sleep, so that sucked). Magnus's modeling career took off almost as quicky as it began:

MAGNUS CARLSEN: HOW COULD NO ONE TELL THAT HE ISN'T HUMAN???

Needless to say I have been devastated for the last two years. However, I might have been able to teddy bear this burden if only my once-childhood friend would continue to travel the world and play chess with me. But after hearing of his coming announcement, I could take no more...

Sorry old pal, but I believe "the truth shall set you free"... Though in your case, that likely means you are headed back to the lab for "testing"... See ya later MC2460! I will live in your "artificially intelligent shadow" no longer!!!

Sincerely, Jon Ludvig Hammer -- Norway's TRUE Super-GM!!!

Kommentare


  • vor 8 Wochen

    vaipalolo

    That's why socialism is good because people couldn't say any dum thing going tru their head.and that's why Internet is bad

  • vor 3 Jahre

    thegoodthebadtheugly

    Funny point of vue that return the ranking on your account

  • vor 3 Jahre

    Lawdoginator

    April Fool's Day 2012 is approaching. 

  • vor 3 Jahre

    ChessisGood

    Ha! I read this on January 8, 2012, and I thought SultanOfKings had lost it!

  • vor 3 Jahre

    DEEPTORNEDOMAGICFIRE

     Absolutely entertaining!

  • vor 3 Jahre

    Mangusman

    I think this is so real. This article was amazing

  • vor 3 Jahre

    Zokx

    Amazing article ! haha i seriously began to think that he is a robot ! lol !

  • vor 4 Jahre

    herbanmusic

    EASY, then...

    Strike the HAMMER while IRON IS HOT !! lol

    Nice one !!

  • vor 4 Jahre

    dsf001

    Wait is Magnus Carlsen really a robot?

  • vor 4 Jahre

    aeo719

    Everything is starting to make sense for me now.  I have always had that suspicion in the back of my mind.   Surprised

  • vor 4 Jahre

    Invisibility

    Wahahahaha....., I can't stop laughing after reading this article but it's a good one.Well we assume that Magnus is an Android whose called Mc2460,How about his rivals in tournament? Like Mr Anand or Mr Kramnik? Are they androids as well? How Many android has been created in this world? It's our job people to find it outSmile.My friend told me how to distinguish between human and android.It's simple,just use metal detector on him/her Tongue out.  But Make sure you do it on secret without letting him/her know ok?Innocent

    Note:Spoiler(Read this at your own risk)

    Ps: Just joking...

  • vor 4 Jahre

    ivanx00

    Seriously....wtf!! What type of article is this?

  • vor 4 Jahre

    vaipalolo

    looks like some people cant handle the staff they are on

    smoke less you'll be fine or whatever you're shooting in your vein

      good luck whit your chess

  • vor 4 Jahre

    Prooz

    hahaha great :D

  • vor 4 Jahre

    millvillage

    Must be over consumption of whale meat.

    Bet he will look good in seal skins.

  • vor 4 Jahre

    Balachandar

    Wish MC reads it. 

  • vor 4 Jahre

    WillyViking

    I was laughing the whole way through, amasing!! He sure does look like a robot! :)

  • vor 4 Jahre

    JohnTheLovely

    I like the Teddy-idea ....

  • vor 4 Jahre

    walterp99

    Never had me going, but still a halfway decent joke

  • vor 4 Jahre

    jocelasi

    nice try.

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